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Male Review

What a gorgeous cover, eh.

 

When I want something light hearted, laugh-out-loud funny and sexy too, my automatic buy is Lillian Grant. Male Review, the eagerly awaited follow-up to Male Order was worth the wait.

Meg and Sam had finally hooked up at the end of the previous book, but their path to new love would run anything but straight. Her crazy nympho aunt moving in was just the start.

The thought of him lying in his reclining chair naked with his fist wrapped around his hard, hot, heaving cock sent a heat wave through her body and a definite dampening in areas that had no business being damp when you shared a bed with your eighty-something great aunt.

 

On the odd occasions they managed to get some privacy, they were usually interrupted.

Meg groaned with frustration. Not now, not when they were just about to… God, Sam was shrinking fast. His cock flopped out of her and she dropped to her knees with a moan of, “No, no,” intent on giving his manhood mouth to mouth.

 

When her scarily frigid mother followed shortly after, Meg gave up any hope of having any kind of sex life. In desperation, she goes to visit her father to try and understand why her mum has left him. She finds him entertaining friends:

“I hope you’re planning on helping to clean up before my mother gets home.”

Anyone would think she had lobbed a hand grenade into the middle of the table and shouted ‘incoming’. The two men so intent on poker a few minutes ago, jumped to their feet.

 

Then Sam drops a bombshell.

Sam met her gaze. This was a crossroads in their relationship. His answer could make or break the trust he’d built with her, but she needed to know everything about him, good and bad.

“I used to go to a BDSM club.”

Since Great Aunt Maud has just become a co-owner in a themed male strip bar, they decide to avail themselves of the facilities when the club is closed during the day. What followed, is one of the funniest scenes I’ve read in years.

Sam reached up to undo the left cuff. After a couple of minutes tugging, he glanced at Meg. “Have you got the key?”

 

If things weren’t bad enough, her arch-nemesis, the wickedly cocky Irishman Michael Monaghan is there to witness the entire scene. Could it get any worse? Well yes, actually, but that would be giving away the story, and you really need to read it for yourself.

If you like hot sex, spiced up with a little BDSM and a whole load of comedy, you’ll love it. Trust me, you won’t regret it  🙂

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Male Order

 

My travelling companions on the train are used to me burying my nose in a book for my daily journeys to work. It’s still unusual though, for me to squeal with laughter and have to wipe my eyes because I’m laughing so hard – and blushing at the same time. But so it was with Male Order.

Meg would say her sex life sucks, if she had one. As it happens, her 2 favourite guys are called Ben & Jerry and she sees them most nights, when she curls up on the sofa with a movie. After all, she needs something to distract her from her new flatmate, the ridiculously buff and sexy Sam. Gym instructor Sam. Super-fit Sam. All round Nice Guy Sam. The total opposite of Meg in every way.

Her best friend Laura has a brilliant idea for a new business. Lifestyle Advisors, aka pimps. They will advise the attention of a handsome young man to woman lacking that certain zing in their lives. And then of course, supply the man in question.

Meg stared open-mouthed. Had she lost her mind? “Do I look like I should be giving people lifestyle advice? Unless they want to learn how to dress badly and put on weight, in which case, I’m definitely their girl.”

She could, of course, do with a little zing in her own life – and when Sam learns about her terrible her sex life has been so far, he agrees – and makes her a suggestion.

“We’ll treat the night as two friends doing each other a favour. No commitment, no pain, just mind blowing sex.”

Well… who wouldn’t be tempted! And Meg succumbs, but has doubts the morning after.

He’d seen her in all her wobbly glory, and yet he had valiantly soldiered on. She should put his name up for an award. Presented to Sam Stephens for services rendered in the face of mountainous fat in an ongoing quest for Maggie Riley’s missing libido.

To her surprise – amazement – Sam wanted a second round.

All her ice cream munching and lack of exercise must be catching up with her – she was having a coronary. At least if she died now she would be happy in the knowledge that sex was better than any flavour made by Ben & Jerry.

However, things never run to plan for Meg. She knows it’s a bad idea to take Sam to the family BBQ, to expose him to her very bizarre family, but somehow that’s what happens. First off, her mother. A woman who strikes fear into Sam’s heart.

Her arrival was like a royal tour. Hat placed firmly on her head, crisp white and blue flowery patterned linen dress, matching shoes and handbag. She looked like she’d escaped from the fifties.

And there’s Meg, wearing a dress that Sam picked from her terrible wardrobe.

Even though the dress ended mid-calf she knew her mother would glare disapprovingly at the two tiny triangles barely covering her boobs. If she leaned forwards too far the girls would escape their inadequate refuge.

If her mother is bad enough, Sam has never met anyone quite like Great Aunt Maud!

If she were Sam, she’d have blocked the whole memory from her mind. Her mother had cross examined him and her great aunt Maud had just pinched his butt, declaring him to be just the sort of young man she needed to keep her pacemaker ticking.

They seek refuge in her mother’s kitchen, and get a little carried away…

“Do you have a condom on you?”
He slid his free hand into his pocket. Some girls might think it presumptuous of him to be carrying protection, but like a boy scout, a good fuck buddy should always be prepared.

At least her sex life is improving, but her friend’s business plan makes her very nervous. Especially when it now involves a dubious male-stripper joint called the Jolly Roger.

“Some woman drew a face on Chad’s dick with a sharpie a few weeks ago and we decided he needed a name of his own. We ran a contest, with the prize being dinner and dancing with the newly named cock and his owner. The winning vote was for Roger. Now he’s the bar’s unofficial mascot. We’re going to put his picture on the wall behind the bar.”

Things go from bad to worse. The first man on their ‘payroll’ is Michael, her sister’s Irish ex-boyfriend. And their first client is the sex-mad great aunt Maud.

She glanced at Meg. “Muriel says she blows Joe when he’s out of Viagra. I offered to blow him. I even took my teeth out so I could get better suction.”

She took a step closer to the bed and Michael squealed in terror.

Nobody bundles sexy men, hot erotica and laughter together as well as Lillian Grant. I loved every minute of this book and am thrilled that the sequel (Male Review) will be out soon. This is a definite feel-good 5-star read 🙂

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In the Mood

 

Ellen Fisher packs an awful lot of story into a quick read – and great value at only 99c. Jude is that rare beast, a guy who writes popular romantic novels. However, when his editor asks him to change from historicals to contemporary – and add some move loving – he struggles. The son of a pastor, he has difficulty finding the right words and freely admits it.

Writing contemporary love scenes had been the hardest thing for him to accomplish, and he was uncomfortably aware he hadn’t done a terrific job with it. “My sex scenes all suck. And I don’t mean that in a good way.”

When free-spirited Alyssa offers to give him some coaching he snaps her up. Not only do his sex scenes suck, but his love life has been a disaster area and he wonders if Alyssa might be the right person to embark on a proper relationship with.

There was something peculiar about the unexpected way this situation was playing out, and he still wasn’t sure this was a good idea or the right thing to do. But his body seemed to have moved right along to the conclusion that it was the best idea it had heard in ages.

Alyssa is very good at projecting a confident appearance, but behind the scenes she nurses her own fears. And as soon as she realises that Jude could mean something to her, she backs off.

She was confusing the hell out of him, and he was beginning to wish she came equipped with a translation device.

Jude is left wondering if it’s his rank inexperience that has put her off, or if there’s more to it.

He felt her cheek press against his shoulder, felt her arm slowly slide up around his neck. She reminded him of a frightened kitten – all bristling fur and exposed, sharp claws one minute, all purrs the next.

Throw in some excellent supporting characters, including Jude’s drunken brother who mistakenly bursts in on them with disastrous consequences:

“I have a date, all right?”

“A date?” Mark contemplated Alyssa for a long moment. “You haven’t had a date in years, Jude.”

”Thanks so much for sharing that, buddy.”

It was a funny and moving quick read and a perfect dessert after the intensity of the Mistress of Rome. I shall definitely be reading more Ellen Fisher.

5 stars

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