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Woo Hoo – it IS Monday – and the release date for Lillian Grant’s latest fabulous crazy-laugh-out-loud novel, Male Review. Believe me, it’s the perfect tonic for a dull Monday 🙂

Silken Sheets & Seduction

Some days being a writer has the same level of anticipation as a kid waiting for Christmas.

You send you manuscript to the publisher and you wait. Hopefully you get an acceptance and then you wait. You sign the contract and you wait. You get content edits and you send them back and wait. You complete line edits and you wait. The artist sends you a draft of your cover and you squeal and then wait. And then … finally … woohoo it’s release day. Champagne corks pop, people cheer, the internet crashes as hordes of people rush to download your book. Okay, okay I got carried away. No champagne, no one cheering and the internet is fine. Just me sitting at my desk at my day job with a silly grin on my face.

So, finally, the waiting is almost over for me. Male Review, Reigning Men Volume Two…

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Woo Hoo! Not only is my favourite Rock-Star-Writer working on a BRAND NEW SERIES, but she’s self-pubbing and they will be available soon!!!
There IS a God * giant smile *
Please hurry up Olivia, I can’t wait * grin *

Olivia Cunning's Blog

Sole Regret is a fictional five-member metal band originally from Austin, Texas. They’re on tour and being as naughty as they want to be.

I don’t want to give away too much about the characters—I think it’s better that you learn about them as you read their stories—but I will share their inspiration.

In the first story, Try Me, the drummer, Gabe, meets a woman who insists she isn’t attracted to bad boys with tattoos. She quickly changes her mind. And who can blame her? The real hottie who inspired Gabe’s look?

 

Rich Luzzi  (I was drooling over him last week for a reason…)

The inspiration for the rhythm guitarist, Kelly…

Anthony Kiedis (the long-haired version).

The inspiration for the lead guitarist, who I’m calling Adam, but I might change it. In my mind’s eye, Adam looks like

Jacoby Shaddix

The lead singer of Sole Regret, Jacob, is inspired…

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There are sometimes good reason to be late home from work. Drinks and post-work celebrations. Sporting events & concerts. Simply catching up with friends. But being late because the trains failed? And not just failed – spectacularly stuffed up would be a better description. It’s enough to drive a girl to blog about it.

So here we are. After a spectacularly busy day, working overtime until almost 6pm was a necessary evil, but I had confidence that the rail network would enable me to make my 1-hour journey home without any major headache. Alas, no. The following is a rough synopsis of my journey home, narrated by my fellow passengers:

18:00 (Automated voice) Welcome to Tranz-metro. Our journey tonight takes us to W, and we should arrive at 18:55. Have a pleasant journey and please travel with us again soon.

18:40
Hello love. The Train Manager has just informed us that they’ve run out of power on the line. I guess someone didn’t pay the electric bill. Anyhow, they’re taking us back to the previous station to wait for a bus.
19:00
Oh look, there’s a bus….. It’s filled up and left. I suggest we stay here until the next bus arrives.
19:10
Bugger. There’s another train coming. I’m going to queue up outside
19:15
You won’t believe this. The passengers on the new train have barged to the front of the queue! It’s like scrambling for lifeboats on the Titanic!
19:20
Hi darling. The second bus has just filled up and left, and we’re still in the queue. Any chance you could come and pick me up?
19:30
Hello love. We’re on the replacement bus now and guess what? I just got a txt from the train network to say the trains are running normally again. Too bloody late.
19:40
I think I just saw a train go past us…
20:00
Hello love, I’m back at the station and will be home soon. BTW, the train has just pulled into the station – the same train I got off an hour ago!!
 *****
When you’re sitting on a crowded replacement bus, in a queue of traffic, receiving a chirpy little text message to say the trains are running normally again is frustrating to say the least. But the evening wasn’t wasted. We passed the time by dreaming up realistic txt messages for the train network. You know, the ones you wished they’d send.

 Your train is running late because the driver couldn’t be arsed

 You were hoping to get home early tonight? Sucker!

 The trains are f*cked. Get a bus instead.

And finally, in the same vein, I stumbled across a list of bona-fide passenger announcements made on the London Underground network. They included such gems as:

1. ‘Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologize for the delay to your service. I know you’re all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you’ll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction.’

2. ‘Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome: not knowing his elbow from his backside. I’ll let you know any further information as soon as I’m given any.’

3. ‘Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a point failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won’t reach our destination.’

4. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay, but there is a security alert at Victoria station and we are therefore stuck here for the foreseeable future, so let’s take our minds off it and pass some time together. All together now…. ‘Ten green bottles, hanging on a wall…..’.’

5. ‘We are now travelling through Baker Street … As you can see, Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you earlier, but no, they don’t think about things like that’.

6. ‘Beggars are operating on this train. Please do NOT encourage these professional beggars. If you have any spare change, please give it to a registered charity. Failing that, give it to me.’

7. During an extremely hot rush hour on the Central Line, the driver announced in a West Indian drawl: ‘Step right this way for the sauna, ladies and gentleman… unfortunately, towels are not provided.’

8. ‘Let the passengers off the train FIRST!’ (Pause . ‘Oh go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines; see if I care – I’m going home….’

9. ‘Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with ‘Please hold the doors open.’ The two are distinct and separate instructions.’

10. ‘Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors.’

11. ‘We can’t move off because some idiot has their hand stuck in the door.’

12. ‘To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage – what part of ‘stand clear of the doors’ don’t you understand?’

13. ‘Please move all baggage away from the doors.’ (Pause… ‘Please move ALL belongings away from the doors.’ (Pause…. ‘This is a personal message to the man in the brown suit wearing glasses at the rear of the train: Put the pie down, Four-eyes, and move your bloody golf clubs away from the door before I come down there and shove them up your arse sideways!’

14. ‘May I remind all passengers that there is strictly no smoking allowed on any part of the Underground. However, if you are smoking a joint, it’s only fair that you pass it round the rest of the carriage.’

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Why everyone needs a critique partner to love 🙂

My critique partner, the erotic writer Lillian Grant wrote about ME in her post today * blush *

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Jolyn Palliata has exciting news on her blogpage – go check her out 🙂

You haven’t forgotten who she is? The author of my current fave book – Connected – Twist of fate #1 🙂

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First up, a link to Marian Keye’s website.

For not only does she give great cake, she’s also one of my favourite Must-Read authors, lifting Chick-Lit to new heights: http://www.mariankeyes.com/Home

Next up, Nigella Lawson.

I love her dabbling approach to cooking, and I understand her addiction to buying cookery books. This recipe sounds so weird – Baked Ham in Coca Cola?!? –  yet tastes divine. Really, you HAVE to try it: http://www.nigella.com/recipes/view/ham-in-coca-cola-171

And finally, Nigel Slater.

I think I have all his books, including his 2 memoirs. In addition to TV shows and writing books, he writes a regular column for the Guardian newspaper. Here’s a link to 5 Warming Breakfasts for Winter: http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/19/nigel-slater-breakfast-recipes

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Awesome and quite the funniest thing I’ve read today 🙂 I’m reblogging you 🙂

The Dissemination of Thought

On principle, I was planning on refraining from a Valentine’s Day-themed post: there are enough people flogging the rose-covered dead horse without me clutching at its mane. Unfortunately, my resolve wilted like a cheap petrol station rose, leaving you with the cynically twisted rant you see before you.

Actually, it was more a case of succumbing to peer pressure than an issue of resolve. Chrystalyn, of The Future of Hope fame, challenged me to come up with a list of the most atrocious dates I’ve ever endured. It was harder than I thought. Some horror stories spring freely to mind, while others have been deeply repressed and will require gentle coaxing from a psychiatrist to pry loose.

I’m under no illusion that I’m by any means easy to tolerate, and I don’t purport to be the prized pig of the dating fair, but I really have dated some uniquechallenging

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